How to Deal With the Verbally Abusive Boss

We have a CEO who verbally abuses not only his employees, but he never listens to his customers. When you challenge him on a topic instead of providing an answer he will also try to turn it around onto you so that he is not left to provide an answer. It is unfortunate that there are still people out there that don't realize that when someone chooses to take a position with a company they come in with the intention of giving 110% of who they are. I no longer work there but LRC TEG CEXCHANGE is a dick!

I was referred to this position by a friend, my boss is her sister-in-law, I took what she said to heart about her being kind and sweet. I was as ignorant as a newborn calf. I have been here for a year and my boss has yet to train me in various areas of my job and when I try to ask her, such as coming in after work, watching her work, ect.. She says she doesn't have the time or finances. Her philosophy is train as you go. The problem I have with this is that she forgets this and thinks she has shown me something when she hasn't. I work in an apartment complex so there are certain circumstances or tasks that happen maybe once a month or less, such as filling out a deposit slip for rents on the first. I can do it normally and in fact have done it before in my past jobs but there is a certain way she likes it or wants it done, which is the case for almost everything in the office. Which is fine but she won't take the time to show me how she wants it done her way and becomes verbally abusive when I do it a different way or she will only show me once and in the next months time expect me to have it down pact. there are no official training documents since she has the office running the way she wants personally. She also finds it acceptable to yell at me in front of my other coworkers. This isn't an accident; we meet in the office for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes after lunch to plan out the day and she does it when everyone is in the office, not before, not after. every time. She also become forgetful about things she has told me or my coworkers and gets angry when we do it. For example if she tells me to do something such as put paper B in the C file instead of B file like you're normally supposed to, due to X reasons, it takes her about a couple of weeks or a month to forget she has told me and then berates me or yells at me for doing it. This has happened numerous times in different circumstances. She is very bitter and likes to talk down to people, this includes a lot of the younger residents who have left for this reason. She also schedules people to come to the office on the weekends when I am in the office alone without telling me which often conflicts with the schedules I make throughout the week; she refuses to communicate with me about anything so when people come to the office I have no idea what is going on which makes me incompetent. I have tried talking to her about it but she refuses to speak to me saying that she is too busy and far behind. Even if its just a few minutes. I live on property so if i quit or get fired I have 72 hours to leave, technically they have the choice as long as I pay rent but she made it clear that she would rather throw me out first if i ever decided to leave or if she fired me.

i have been working with my boss for 21 years and fortunate enough to be promoted to this position after 7 years..we've been good and i have been enjoying my job (design associate/architect)not until the last 2 years when he started verbally abusing me and giving abusive comments on my work by emails and mark-up on my drawings/designs. He has been saying that there were no improvements on the quality of our designs the last 5 years. I know that there is a slowdown in the market and that's the main reason and not about our work, and there are very stiff competition among different firms. Just cannot accept him putting all the blames on me, where in fact we both work together for every project, and we have been very successful before..if there were changes in the concept, usually came from him, and i would try to deliver in a very impossible deadline. there were many times i walked out from the office because of disappointments with him, cannot even talk to him properly as he sees it as an argument. the following day he will calm down. I am just waiting for him to fire me, as I will lose a lot if i resign, re: compensation..I am already 50 yrs old and my 2 sons are still in secondary school and 1 is entering university. i applied this professional persona earlier and it works, but at my age, i can't keep my patience anymore. his son, a colleague has been trying to comfort me by saying that even at their home, his dad/boss has been saying a lot about me, his high regards/respect on me. i just don't understand why he has to do it to me in the office where in fact in their home he is telling the opposite. Is he pushing me to quit as he can no longer afford me? is it his way of dealing with it as he cannot lower his pride/ego? Please advise, and thanks a lot for this article.

this article gave the stupidest advise I have ever heard. Take the abuse and work harder? that's absurd. You have a right to be free from abuse in the work place and if your not? Then sue the looser. God bless America, we do have rights here.

I am frustrated and i don't know what to do.my boss is making my life hell.he verbally abuses me and makes me feel like there's nothing that I'm doing right and never appreciates the things that I do right.always blames me for everything,pretends to help me but always sabotaging me, I am depressed,It's a sunday morning today and I'm already thinking its almost monday,time to face him. I'm still very young 27 years old and I'm starting a family, I have a son, this is starting to affect my home life, I can't even quit the job,too many responsibilities, I apply on a daily basis,everytime i get a chance but finding another job is hard. Please help me before I go insane.

I was hired by a long time friend after being a victim of the 2008-2013 economy crash! Jobs here in my area are hard to come by. I was an HR professional for 30 years before I was laid off. Finally, I was hired into this company as a Quality Manager - of which I had NO training or experience. My new boss had been my friend for more than 10 years and he saw potential in me -- He wanted a "blank slate" to train to do the job 'his way'... I was ok with that! There had been 5 previous QM's in the last 6 years, but I thought (naively) they must've been odd duck's to quit! I was promised training for the AS9100 Aerospace Standard, but after 15 months, that still hasn't happened. He is horribly abusive, screaming, cursing and refuses to listen to anything I have to say in my defense or explanation for my actions and/or decisions... I have repeatedly asked for formal training, even the AS9100 Auditor has told him I need it to be competent enough to do my job. He refuses, yet calls me horrible names because I can't do my job! I am considering getting an attorney, as I have aged at least 10 years in less than 12 months! He always does his "preaching" (cursing, screaming, spitting, etc.) to me in front of the production staff. He will tell me "I don't give a GD F**K what you have to say, so just shut the F**K up!) I am female, and emotional! I try and do the "persona" and distance myself inwardly, but he makes it impossible and gets my ire up and I react!! And the HR dept.? What a joke! It's his wife!!! GO FIGURE! We have a huge AS9100 audit coming up soon, and I really feel like even tho I managed to pull in a rating of 100% last year, he'll fire me this year if I don't pass, and according to the Lead Auditor I don't stand a chance without the necessary training! Lord knows he lets me know what a GD F***king stupid F**K I am every chance he gets..... and today I became a "measly cockroach". I am in my late 50's and it's too late to start over again -- and I really don't want to work at Wal-mart! I am so stressed out, I am literally home sick today... my boss actually makes me sick! How can I make this stop and keep my job and most importantly, STOP THE ABUSE!!! I am considering an attorney, as there is simply NO justification for this kind of behavior. Thanks for allowing me to vent my frustration!

The article is of great help who clearly stick to contracts and has great capability to detach the emotional self. But there are some people who do their jobs as service to a certain market just for improving the situation of a market for a budget-feasible salary. Such people need to excel and add the emotional self to provide extra finesse to their service and get a value added product. Such detachment may be detrimental for a good service and will reduce an employee doing the job for the sake of doing the job. But yes, trying this strategy out is not bad idea at all and check if this is acceptable and improve the situation. Suggestions in the article are definitely not for weak hearted or pessimists.

Recently I started working at a major retailer in a temp position, I'm only in my teens but I've had previous work experience. Well one of the assistant managers I was friends with was making a joke while we were having a discussion, the few of us there laughed as it was a hilarious twist on the situation we were talking about.

Dick turned to me and said 'you better shut your f***ing face chuckles or I'll knock you out' now I'm not new to cruel bosses at all, but that was completely uncalled for. Dick already shouted at me before on my second day when asking about something. He has moments of being completely level headed and nice, and then starts shouting at everyone. Dick also insults multiple employees behind their back in the shop, I've walked in to his offices to discuss something before to find him insulting people currently working with another manager.

His initial interview made him look incredibly awful as his attempts at jokes came across as him being incredibly rude. I don't want to leave this job as I really enjoy working and I get on really well with my coworkers and the other managers, but I also dislike Dick. Plus it's only temporary and I'm on a 90 day contract. I guess I just feel bad because I was offered another job at the same day where I got on really well with the manager and this was a job where I never really expected to hear anything back from.

I'm just a nice an HR person trying to keep everyone employed who wishes to be, and to encourage everyone to play nice. Since it's a small company, the owners are right above me on the chart and the worst thing I can say about them is that they are not trained well in everything. Sometimes they get really frustrated and raise their voices and the Sensitive People get scared. Sometimes one of the partners swears and scares his staff. I wish he would come into my office and swear, and I would tell him what a Dick he is being. But he just got promoted, he is scared too. The economy being what it is, we are all scared, we only have time to meet the deadlines. We don't have time to take HR classes, get the SHRM certification, take the time to figure out if Cindy is correct about Dick abusing her or if she is Whiny Little Shirker. Well, Cindy complains when people fail to wipe the water drops off the counter and it got on her skirt, and she complained that Doug farts at his desk, all before she complained that Dick was verbally abusing her.

Anyway, I am glad people are still commenting on this great post even 4 years after you wrote it.

Watching people get berratted day after day I sort of wonder what's wrong with me it took so long for me to quit until the verbal and sexual talk and screaming fits directed at me during a one time "group" meeting just added up that I said to myself that I had more self worth than that of all who stood there listening!

I happen to know a military guy who worked for both Gore and Cheney. He said that Gore was two-faced and vindictive and treated the staff like servants. Nonetheless, they wanted Gore to get elected because they were afraid they would be dismissed if Bush won. When Bush did win, they weren't dismissed like their predecessors were, so he got to work for Cheney, who he said was the most professional and respectful boss he had ever had. Don't believe the Democrat smears on Cheney!

This blog is wicked! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your awesome content, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost..lol.) Wonderful job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool! Stellar Phoenix Review

He was born for totalitarian dictatorship, that one. Even has his name in it. Funny article fyi.

Didn't Bush joke that Darth Vader was Cheney's favorite character in Star

Wars?

Lol, Dick Cheney will always be the poster boy for mean. Kind of like the Scrooge is the poster boy for thriftiness.

The boss hid the paycheck of my friend and told him he could not clock in until he found it. The manager stated that my friend was stupid! My friend clearly replied, 'NOBODY HERE is stupid." I thought it was a brave and intelligent reply. Later that evening as we spoke about our days, he looked so hurt & he felt like crying, he asked me, "why do they treat me like that?" I didn't have an answer for him however inside I was thinking to myself that those bastards!

Thanks Tom I'm still there, I'll be working to pay for my course, once I'm done see ya later. It's such a shame I've had such great bosses in the past this is my first experience of a horrible boss and 4 yrs is to long should of got out sooner, my goal is to finish my course within 6 months and then hopefully the doors will open for better things, best wishes to everyone.

Thanks Tom great advice, iam looking into doing a course in community service in my spare time to remove myself from this living nightmare.

Great article, that is what you have to do, try to be a character. I also agree with some others though who said it's hard not to let it eat at you on the inside. I worked at a daycare center and I loved the work and loved those kids so much. When you're responsible for caring about a child's development, it is so hard to remain emotionally distant from your job! I put so much of myself into doing the best thing for the kids but my boss usually did not agree with me. She was harsh with them and would constantly criticize me, her lead teacher, even though I was pretty great at the job and well informed, and unlike her, I could remember to be patient in times when she would lose her cool with the kids. She was threatened when i had good interactions with the kids in ways she could not, and did not have the patience for. I would make close relationships with kids who did not even like her and she would say anything to make me feel stupid, like i didn't know what i was doing and she would try to convince me that i was actually doing the wrong things for the kids. When i was new there i would attempt to listen and change but i soon realized that she was a very self-centeed, yet self-conscious woman who controled her whole family and all the kids and i was clearly stepping on her toes by being competent at the job. She needed to feel like the best at everything. She would tell me and the other teacher what to do differently, but then turn around and forget everything she said and behave terribly in front if the kids. She would also fight loudly with her husband when he was home, in front of the kids, and allowed her son, who put the kids in danger and behaved inappropriately with the kids often, remain employed. He even caused multiple families to leave the program by putting then in danger and in multiple cases, giving the kids foods they were allergic to. A classic case of a boss allowing their idiot offspring to be employed when they don't deserve it, and don't even know the job. I remained at the job for almost 2 years, but when it became clear that I couldn't do anything to make it better for the kids even after repeated attempts to talk to the boss about what I thought needed to change in regards to treatment of the children, as well as treatment of myself, I decided to just move on. I'm afraid to take any further action against the center because I know the woman so well and I know she would do anything in her power to try and Sue me. Overall, I like who I am a lot better now. I am not miserable every day like I was when I worked there, my fiancée enjoys being around me much more, and I've been able to concentrate on things I didn't have the energy for while working there, like going to the doctor, taking care of myself, cooking and eating well, etc. I am now pursuing self-employment by teaching the flute, which I actually went to school for anyway. Great article, thanks. It's nice to know other people went through similar things.

Hi everyone, I hate my job soooo much, I hate getting up in the morning cause I know I have to go to work I physically feel sick just thinking about it my boss I s the biggest meanest cow that ever walked the earth I really think she's satans wife lol se yells,swears,cuts back hours if she doesn't like you that week, bags all my work mates behind their backs sits in the office on her fat ass talks and gossips to other managers about staff, I've been so sick in and out of hospital and I've been back at work for a couple of weeks she's giving me hell about my illness staff aren't always showing up so she throws comments in like all I need now is for you to be sick again, it's out of my control sometimes I wake up and cant walk who does she think iam a miracle worker, over the 4yrs I've been there I would have had 2sick days off for the year maybe not even always on time never late and she gives me attitude I've had about all I can take, I've been looking for jobs even courses to do after work to get out, feel like pulling my hair out or smashing her in the head seriously, she wonders why she is single HELLO your a bitch love no one at work likes her,

my heart goes out to everyone who has lost a job or two dealing with unfair bosses who seem to think they own you, because you work for them! and what's sad to say is that most of the jobs are protected by state laws such as a right to work state( which if they don't like you because you complain about how unfair you are getting treated by the yelling and name calling they can fire you and without regards to what this has done to you and your family, when all you wanted was the harrassment to stop!) second ( look how bad this looks on your resume', that after dealing with a boss who calls you names and makes your job hard to deal with, how do you explain to your interview that you had to leave because of the emotional abuse, i had a coworker who is best friends with my boss i had multiple times when i had to go to my boss and let him know that he's friend and other coworkers who were yelling at me and other coworkers because of our slow learning disability and the whole time my boss would laugh at me and say it wasn't true, the last time that this friend of my boss came yeliing at me i keep walking away in wich he followed me everywhere, then i say a camera and i stood underneith the camera and while he was yelling at me i had ask him repeatdly to leave me alone. my last attempt was i ask my boss to watch the video of his friend hassrassing me yelling and cursing at me, and my boss said i'm not going to waste my time and demanded i apologized for wasting his and he's friends time! all i could do was stop fighting the tears and leave! i wish there is a site to where you can rate the boss or work enviroment to prevent working with people who have no regards for people getting hassrass.

"After you leave and things get really, really quiet around Dick's shop, maybe he'll have time to reflect that he should not have been, well, such a Dick."

Tom, that's a splendid way to finish an insightful post on a terrific high. The real life situation that you weaved together with the topic of the hub will encourage budding employees to work hard in their current jobs and pave the way for their very own start-up. Nicely done!

Princesswithapen

Excellent article, Tom - so, how does one go about reporting an abusive employer to the EOCC...and can it be anonymous?

I have the maniac boss. I have tried the actions you proposed ( similar ) to no avail. I have left and taken consulting jobs but eventually end up returning to the only game in town. In the beginning, there ranting, cursing, and I apparently frustrated him so much he needed to throw a chair my way. He goes out of his way to cause chaos. He curses, demeans, befriends for info, stabs them in back, etc. he is a raging alcoholic and the work environment is that of an alcoholic home. The one time I went to HR, he sowed up at front demanding to know if I was there. 12 years later, he is still employed but has HR on his back due to numerous complaints. Will not allow problem resolution and demeans employee efforts. He's grossly sexual, politically provocative... name it and he does it. 3rd time I resigned FT but stayed on as a PRN worker which allows me to avoid him, but caused me to lose bennifets and income. Has to be done. All the cognitive therapy in the world can't fix the "broke" there. People don't go to work to purposefully do a bad job. ( which I have never done). One doesn't spend 40 hours a week being humiliated without pretty severe problems. I am simply put, a different person. On multiple meds, including antidepressant. The hopelessness that goes along with this type work environment is devastating to the person who loves to do the work and do it well. He has mellowed with the rages ( had no choice, but to do them in private for most part). He is very sick, work is sick and I too am sick. I think the latter being demonstrated by my returns and continuing to work there. I will say, however , that I never gave him the keys to drive me crazy. I am the typical abused female. Typical outcome. There are others, However, I am one who really gave up my career in hospital quality improvement and risk management due to low self esteem that developed over the years. The emotional pain of constant verbal abuse and never being able to please the boss or allowed to do what you know because of micro-management ( he wanted to do my job), eventually caused me to devolve, quit believing in myself, and to create opportunities to work independently. It's lonely and not satisfying but I don't want to relocate for many reasons. I appreciated your thoughts and felt validated at least in all my efforts to handle the stress and degradation. I even spoke to an atty. re options regarding sexually inappropriate behavior abd the local " good 'ole boy" system was tight as ever. He basically responded with " so your boss grabbed his _____ and shook it at you..." No big deal, though many other incidents were discussed. just needed to vent. Was young then and now I'm old and tired. Little desire to return to FT work anyway. Thanks again

During my notice period from my current organization there seems to be lots of transition and talks going on with my remote boss and local boss.

I have shared some FYI information with my remote manager however seems like the wild fire spread rapidly and I was question by my local boss as to who have told me to do so. Here I am wondering now whom to believe and what to say. Anyways I am leaving so I'm thinking that someone is trying to play safe to save their ass. Please advise.

Thanks Cheryl Mcguire

Thank you Tom. I think I will see how I feel after the 2 weeks and make my decision then. I've already set up a job interview in a few days so we'll see what comes of that.

Hi everyone. I'm 25 yo and I work at a company PT...my supervisors have no clue what they're doing since they just took over the business. They are rude (speaking in a different language among the coworkers), disorganized, don't give paychecks on time, and don't know how to run a business. I got so tired of their BS I told them a few days ago I was going away for 2 weeks and they said it was alright. Well, just yesterday my boss makes a comment (in a sweet, yet insincere, bitchy way) that I lack common sense. It didn't occur to me that that's what she meant until I left the office.

All of this tension has been building up and I don't care what happens anymore - I want out. These people are unprofessional and disorganized and I want no part of it. But I don't know what to do - I already said that I will be away for 2 weeks...how do I tell them I don't want to be there anymore?? I need a job to hold me over...I don't know if I should stick it out for a little when I get back or if I should use the 2 week "vacation" as a way to leave completely. What do you guys think?

I work in an environment that really brings me down i have never been so unhappy.Every time i tell my parents how I feel they tell me that i am just being ungateful.My boss says the most mean things and the thought of waking up really gets me down.I am only 21 but im going through such problems.Please give me advice on how to deal with this situation

I don't even know where to begin. First of all, let me say that I am someone (I am 40 and female, BTW) who takes responsibility for my own "stuff" and I know that I will carry my baggage to my next job (which I am seeking after 10 years at my current one). So, I am not JUST sitting here whining about someone else. I've made mistakes and done stupid things. That said...I can honestly tell you that the woman I work for absolutely has mental problems that she needs help with...and she has admitted it! She recently told me she wanted to see a therapist, and I applauded her for that. She fucking needs it. Anyway, she is a VERY dangerous type of boss (wolf in sheep's clothing) and here is why: At least someone who puts it all out there REALLY puts it all out there. Those of you who have someone ACTUALLY screaming and cussing at you...I consider you luckier than me. It's all put right out there, and I bet you can scream and cuss back with little repurcussion.

What I am living with is passive agression and hypocrisy the likes of which you have NEVER seen. I promise. Nasty, blunt, sarcastic emails followed by generous gifts at birthdays and for major accomplishments (her way of feeling less guilty about how insane she is). We are talking about a woman who castigates people during staff meetings (and after board meetings) FOR THEIR FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS! I cannot even explain how odd it is. Then - and I watched her at a recent board meeting - she TOTALLY lacks the "poker face" she frowned and grimaced; I cannot live with that kind of blatant, shameless hyposcrisy anymore. And really? Facial expressions? Have we nothing more important to deal with? She is also - and this kind is always fun - one of those martyrs who puts in long, looooooong hours (sending emails to people late at night so they know she was there)but won't delegate anything to anyone. This woman OBVIOUSLY wants little to do with her FAMILY waiting at home for her. That is HER problem to explore, but the rest of us have to pay with backhanded passive aggressive comments about our own hours or whatever. It's just not to be believed.

Now even worse is this: It's impossible to TOTALLY HATE her, per se. She is a smart person with a good sense of humor. If she wasn't such a psychopath she'd be a great mentor, and still has been on some things. But like I said, she is a hypocrite, a control freak, very unfair (she found a way to cheat me out of some of my bonus; I promise)and just an absolute mess. I don't expect my next boss, or any boss, to be perfect but I need one that is better for me. I have stayed ten years because for most of them, the bad things were less than the good. That's starting to turn around,and I am ready to leave. I am sad a lot of the time (and don't want my little boy seeing me that way), ALWAYS afraid this nut is gong to fire me (and by the way, SHE has no boss with any real clue what she is. Her boss is an offsite board of directors...think they know what is going on? No! Of course not. The money comes in and that is all they care about...and this is a nonprofit!). I've also gained a lot of weight over the years. I truly believe leaving will make things better for me and my family. Wish me luck.

my boss always scream not only me also with my co workers sometime i feel nervous to them i almost wanted to sue them they are persian iranian people with bad mouth and attitude

I have a suggestion for the revenge section. Google "annoy a tron" from ThinkGeek, order it, then hide in his office. Almost guaranteed insanity will result from this. Make sure you tell no one. He will tear his office apart while you smile to yourself in satisfaction. I have a passive/aggressive boss and I think that is gonna be his new Xmas present

This is a very touchy subject. I had a boss just like you are describing. I started taking notes and asking everyone that heard him downgrade me if I could use them as a witness. I was in luck because no one else liked him so they sided with me, when I went to the higher authorities..I wish I would have read your column way back then.. this is an excellent article. thank you for writing it.

Thanks for the reply. My superior even admit he's a bad teacher. He even told me that before he started to use foul language. Even many times I told him that I'm trying my best to my best, and yet at times I tend to do mistakes. Because I can't work properly when he keeps rushing me to do the work faster. As a result, it turns out I'm clumsy. He said I should do work faster, but I just can't. I've tried my best and slow is my speed. So, that's why for his own good, better not to slow him down, it's better for me to leave.

Besides, I did leave a resignation letter. Mentioning that travelling to work is a hassle, as I need to get up two hours before work hour and reach home two hours after work. So, it's kind of tiring and been feeling lethargic over the weeks.

Yesterday (7th Dec 2011) I've dropped my uniforms and my locker key in front of my kitchen door, which I've arrived before the rest of the guys arrived. Then I just left the place quickly. Today (8th Dec 2011) my employer misscalled me as I'm not sure should I answer the call or call back. Like the article, he is verbally abusive. I kept saying "sorry" to him for doing and repeating the same mistakes. I admit I got hearing problems, as I'm hearing impaired. But I respect him as my superior as I'm willing to learn and yet he kept telling me that he's tired of listening to my "sorry". Even he kept telling me to talk faster to him. Not everyone can talk fast like him. U can't expect your subordinates to be like you when they can't. It takes time for them to on par with the superior. I need help. Should I call back my superior or just ignore the call?

I love how you used Cheney as the dick. Hehehe. My dog has a nickname: "Dick" and then after a minute I always have to add "Cheney". He just wags his tail. In any case, this information is great. I have a boss right now that I'm a little "afraid of". I'll remember this article. :)

Hi Tom,

I guess I just accept intolerable work places but you presented the article in such a fresh and appealing format. It made me smile a bit. Sorry if that was not your intention but Dick Cheney does seem like he would be awful to work for.

All My Best,

JT

It's great reading other people's experiences, my boss made me CRY today for the first time since I started (I have been there 10 months) I have had many servings before but this time it was a more personal bashing, I just felt like yelling take your job and stick it (way more obscene, but not going to on here) I just love what I do and don't want to leave!

My Boss fired me once, asked me back. He gave me the okay to go to a wedding in NYC but the same day said if I go I am fired. He tells me daily, ' I am fucked in the head ' ...etc. He can't keep his story straight anymore. He tells me my co-workers all tell him to fire me. I am 23 and I lost over 20 pounds since starting to work here. I pay for all my own things- so I cannot be jobless. He is VERY much of a BS'er so if I go to labor board- he will come up with some very defensive things which will not be true. He has made me into a person who is unhappy and scared to come into work. I work hourly. He does not pay over time. He does not give me any type of positive feedback--- and never once paid me for the 5 miles / day of gas I use running errands.

I do not know what to do. I am loosing my mind.

oh no its not just towards me.its to everyone especially my manager. i mean granted i work at an adult novelty store, but he yells about everything! if i dont flirt and bow down to his feet i am nothing to him. he comes in sometimes plastered and will yell at us for sales being down.something we cannot help.

I work at an adult novelty store and my manager is a sweetheart. but the owner on the other habd is a complete and total dick.he yells and cuses at us all the time. and he sexually haraases some of my fellow employees.we just hired a new girl, and she is using her body to get promoted and its working. shes as ditsy as they come. and a pathalogical liar. no one likes her.except him.because she is the only one that flirts with him. he calls us f*****g idiots ,stupid, and makes us feel like we are as small as an ant. what can we do?

Thanks tom, my boss actually texted me the other day and we had a 3 hour convo aout his behavior I became stern with him him te he qickly relized I. Wa a dumb nor slow kid and has since been a better guy things are looking up

Oh, absolutely right - NO ONE deserves to be abused, and should never stay in a situation of abuse, if there is any way out.

I have the ability to walk out at any time, and choose not to, because of the complexities of the relationship, and because I know him well enough to know that he truly does not see what he does - and I have hope that he could and will, if it is brought to him with honesty and caring. But I would never encourage anyone to try to "tough it out" in a situation of abusive behavior or words, if there is an alternative - everyone deserves respect.

If continuose abuse or continues stress from a manager affect the health, the employee will become sick. every one work hard for money. money for mental peace. so i did not agree with Mr. toms article. if continus abuse from a manager, better to search another job

For a person to see himself realistically, and to hear his own words, is essential. In my case, bringing reality to my boss has been very helpful....not a "cure-all" but a step in the right direction. I am lucky in that I am able to confront him with his own words and actions, and he has actually listened to me and thought about them. By his personality he will continue to slip, but his intentions are not bad ones. Perhaps it is a "part of the job" to help him be a better leader. I just have a strong sense of every person having a dignity that is deserved simply by being human, and there should be a mutual respect between people, including between bosses and employees. It's not naivity, though it may be a struggle to find that in most places. I am in a position where I can demand that we strive for this kind of mutual treatment. My issues with him are nowhere near resolved, but I have resolved that he can choose - I can do this job despite him, or with him. I have no intention of leaving.

I work under a Dick in a very small corporation. I have been at this new job for about 2 months now. This dick is highly critical, compulsive, and extremely rude at times. The other day he called my dumb... to my face... and in front of another employee. Let's call this employee Lenny. After Dick leaves the room to attend to something else in the office suite, Lenny looks me dead in the eye and tells me that Dick can't speak to me that way. Lenny goes on to tell me that Dick can be brought up on charges as well! Is this true?? On the other hand, Dick is leaving to head up another sister office in another state in a couple months and I won't have to deal with him all the time... Except when he randomly Skypes in to see how we are doing. I fucking hate Dick, but I feel if I take this to the next level, I may be putting my employment at risk.

Hey tom, i work for a guy, who i really think is bipolar, one minute he is really cool, and says im doing a great job, but man if i make the smallest of mistakes like putting something in the wrong place in the garage he freaks out starts cussing and yelling, and calling me slow and stupid and im far from it what do I DO?!?

My mom is elderly lady that works for a verbal abusive boss.Recently, he cornered her and threatened her that she better not call the state about their Illegal acts if business. What advice would you give her?

And what can I do if my boss just applies the rules to me and another co-worker but not to the rest of the team, actually she gets along with them pretty good and she covers for them whenever they feel like being late to work or won't show up without prior notice, the manager allows them to take longer breaks and have other benefits, but she's over our toes every step we make and yells at us if we even forget to take a bag of trash out and tries to write us up for things like that but won't write up the rest of the team for bigger mistakes that could endanger the business or the customers

It seems hopeful, in that he saw his own actions/words, which is unusual - but I have to see it as part of the back and forth cycle of emotions; typical of an abusive relationship, I think.

Yes, the relationship is complex. And yes, the relationship is certainly outside that of boss/worker.

I spoke to him a few days ago, pointing out a couple of things that he had said in the past that were hurtful....actually, I led to them; he remembered and quoted them himself, and seemed to realize how they sounded. He was very apologetic, and moved into the "care-taker" mode. How long it will last, I don't know. It may be something of a gift for me to be able to point out his wrongs and for him to listen - though I have learned to read him well enough to know when he will or will not hear what I am saying. It makes me feel a bit manipulative, but maybe it's for his good too.

I have invested so much of myself in my work for so long, that it is difficult to make an emotional withdrawal from my work. As a boss, he has good characteristics and bad ones. He and I have had a very close friendship, where he mentored me through many personal difficulties, as well as mentoring me professionally – he has a lot of talent and skill (and he will tell you so, without you even having to ask!). However, I sometimes think I have “outgrown” him now, and simply don’t need that kind of “parent/child” relationship. I have tried seeking a more equal friendship, but this would take him out of a position of power – and he needs that. I sense a lot of resentment in him, and I wonder if he is seeking to return to that previous position of power, by attempting to push me back into my earlier position of need and dependency. The most effective means he has, since he knows so much about me, is to use verbal abuse, so that I can feel emotionally beaten and thus move back into a position of fear and dependency.

One of the most difficult parts of this is the inconsistency. I have barely spoken to him in a week, and then only work-related necessary conversation. Today is his birthday and he has already emailed me asking me to lunch. I have refused three invitations to lunch in the past week; he knows I am hurt, so he switches from abusive to caring and concerned. There is a long pattern of this yo-yo behavior, but I have finally admitted (though long ago, recognized) that I cannot continue in this way.

But I am stubborn. And I was here first. And hard as it is to emotionally withdraw from him and from the work that I love, I will do that before I will quit and let him win. Except I think he actually loses too, if I do that.

Yes, I will look at I Ching material. There is much ego involved here.

What a great topic to address! I have a verbally abusive boss, maybe even bipolar, and this article along with the comments, has helped me see that it is time for ACTION. I don't have to allow myself to be hurt by his put-downs and snide remarks, or his temper tantrums and hateful remarks, tone of voice and facial expressions. The "Professional Persona" is essential - and it may be that he will become more intolerable because I do not react to his taunts. That's okay; I can quit, though I do not want to. I figure I can outlast him - I have so far.