How to Overcome the Haters: Dealing With Passive Aggression
Identifying the Problem
We have all undoubtedly encountered passive-aggressive behavior at one point or another and undoubtedly will again. Thus, it pays off for us to know how to effectively deal with such individuals. Therefore, we will examine why people are passive-aggressive and how to effectively deal with them.
What Is Passive Aggression?
First and foremost, what is passive aggression? According to Merriam-Webster.com, passive aggression is "displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness)."
A common reason for such hostility is envy. And envy is indeed an insidious emotion, as the individual does not know that they are envious. It is such an undesirable emotion they cannot even admit it to themselves. As author Robert Greene observes in Laws of Human Nature, "Of all the human emotions, none is trickier or more elusive than envy” (272).
Perhaps we are intelligent or we have accomplished something, causing others to take notice. Whatever the reason, someone close to us may be contemplating where to stick the knife in. They may, for instance, remain close to us as Iago does in Shakespeare’s tragedy Othello—an example of just how destructive envy can be.
How to Avoid Haters
But how do we avoid such destruction? One important step, of course, is to identify the envious, or the 'hater.' Perhaps she is acting overly friendly or something else sets your radar off. Or, as author Robert Greene pointed out in an interview (by Ryan Holiday), there are micro expressions. If, for instance, you are telling a coworker how your car broke down, perhaps a momentary sign of enjoyment appears on their face.
What Not to Do
What to avoid: Do not enable the individual to push your buttons for so long that you end up reacting angrily or aggressively in front of others. If you do, he has won. And, since envy is such a potential problem, if possible, you might want to create distance between yourself and your hater. (Obviously, this is not always possible or the best option.)
Envy Is a Destructive Problem
In conclusion, envy often proves to be a destructive problem. And it is often not identified until it is too late. And it is often easy for the hater to get "under your skin," goading you over time into an irrational response. Instead, act strategically. Life is a chess game; think before moving.