Your Kid's Life as an Accountant, and Why Moms Should Ask Their Kids to Stay Away From Accountancy
Ten years ago, my mom asked me to participate in the biggest scam that was ever made.
The scam: if you take Accountancy as a course, you'll just sign your name and money will come as easy as 1,2,3.
Now a grown-up, I can't bear to tell my mom that her dream for me was a total scam (sorry mom). She still greets me every time with her wide grin, thinking that I'm raking in loads of money when the truth of the matter is...I'm just counting my client's cash. And even that doesn't physically reach my hands.
That's why I wrote this friendly advice to all the Filipino moms out there who are still planning to enroll their kids in an Accountancy program and experience the life of an accountant. If you're a current mom or a mom-to-be, tell your kid to stay away from an accounting course. Your kid will thank you for it.
Here are the reasons why:
1. Your kid will suffer depression and will end up as a brain-sucked nerd.
Let me start with the obvious. The Accountancy course in the Philippines is normally a 4-to-5-year college term with an additional half-year for review classes and board exams.
In the interim, your kid will drown in thick, finance-jargon stuff, 80% of which he will easily forget the moment he's done with the board. Out of the 20% knowledge retained in his memory, only 5% will be relevant to his current job. He'll be able to use only 2% out of the 5% in a practical, problem-solving situation.
I just made rough estimates of these figures, by the way, based on my experience. Others like me might get lower or higher percentages.
Contrary to popular belief, Accountancy does not involve complex mathematics. Your kid might even be using his calculator to sum-up 2+3. But it does involve heavy analysis and decision-making. And the exams were nerve-wracking, as any successful CPA Board passer will tell you.
So, don't be surprised if you have a newly- hired Accountancy kid whose overall disposition just turned dark and gloomy. He probably realized that he just spent 5 and 1/2 years getting his brains sucked when he could be having fun instead.
2. Your kid will start counting everything in the house and keeping track of every purchase's worth.
Your kid will start treating your household as his mini-company. He will notice every cash inflow and outflow and he will do his best to ensure that you achieve an optimal ratio. He will recite your expenses in your face (while performing quick and manual summation) and scold you whenever your spending exceeds the budget.
Please be understanding when he does that. Your kid is just trying to help your household make it to Forbes’s Top 100 of Best Companies.
3. Your kid will be an underpaid and underrated deliverer of confirmations in an overrated and overpaid audit firm.
Your kid just got hired in one of those respectable-sounding audit firms. Congratulations!
He has little choice by the way. All of his college block mates are entering an audit firm and he's not about to turn himself into an outcast.
Every newly-hired, fresh-from-the-board Accountancy kid starts as a preparer and deliverer of audit confirmations. But before that, he'll need to print those letters, manually fold and insert it in their proper envelopes. Then, bringing the letters with him, he'll tour around BGC or Makati, hopping from one bank to another.
Was that your idea of work when you asked him to enroll in Accountancy? Probably not.
And the take-home pay? Let's not even go there. A friendly tip though. Sit with your kid one of these days and pry his salary information from him.
You'll be surprised!
4. Your kid will learn to drink coffee in gulps and eat French fries and burgers like they are candy.
Your kid, who probably never drank coffee his whole life, will now start drinking 8-10 cups a day, as his substitute for water. Your kid needs the coffee to stay alert, especially between January to April, when the filing season rolls in.
His eyes will be glued to the computer the whole day, as he makes quick work of fries and burger that he grabbed from the nearest fast-food chain.
Again, don't be surprised if, during those rare occasions that he comes home, he willingly gobbles and devours your homemade dish even though he used to complain that it tastes too salty and awful.
5. Your kid will stop seeing you during weekends. He will start hanging out in his favorite joint (the audit firm).
Don't worry, your kid is not smoking weed or consuming alcohol. But he's probably intoxicated with his client's problems and high from many nights' lack of sleep. He will not stop until the debit and the credit side of the financial statements balance itself.
6. You'll not recognize your kid in a year. He will be that skinny kid wearing eyeglass and an ill-suited suit that he probably slept in.
Your kid (bless him) will be lucky to reach the age of forty if he continues drinking coffee, consuming fast food, and tossing away sleep. If your kid used to be on the weighty side, a year in audit will be as effective as a keto diet.
7. You'll have to forget grandkids. Your kid fell in love with the audit firm and he just decided to become its partner.
Your kid, who perhaps acquired his masochistic tendency from you, just decided that he's going to be a partner, after all of the hell that he just went through.
A partner gets to share in the profits. A partner gets to decide what's best for his household (i.e. the audit firm). A partner gets to subject many more unsuspecting Accountancy kids in a similar, painful routine just like what he experienced. And most importantly, a partner finally gets to sign his name and money will come as easy as 1,2,3.
By this time, you should be crying. If you find this funny and still decides to enroll your kid in an accounting course, your sense of humor must be as dry as your kid. Good luck to you both!
Will you still enroll your kid in an Accountancy course?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Chris Martine