Garry Reed combined a professional technical writing career and a passion for all things libertarian to become The Libertarian Opinionizer.
Financial Farcity From Your Libertarian Opinionizer
Forget government-issued specie and online cryptocurrency. The ultimate libertarian money is finally here and it’s easily available to all! Libertarian foil-wrapped chocolate ChocoChange is here!
But let’s do a bit of background, intro, lead-in stuff first just like real, serious, normal articles do.
Many people were first introduced to libertarianism from reading the works of the great free-market economists such as Friedrich Hayek, Ludwig von Mises, Milton Friedman, Murray Rothbard, Thomas Sowell and many others, and then arguing endlessly over the relative merits of the Austrian School versus the Chicago School versus Old School classical liberals.
None of them ever mentioned ChocoChange!
Economics for Non-Economists
But many, if not most people have been attracted to libertarianism through other means than economic dissertations, like philosophy, politics, social theory and, as so frequently reported by the left, from Republicans just wanting to smoke pot, and have little to no interest or formal education in economic systems.
Most libertarians understand economics just as most other people do, on the basic day-to-day level of earning a living, feeding their families, keeping their fast-growing kids out of high-water pants, paying car mechanics and plumbers to keep stuff working and searching endlessly for strategies of “legal” tax avoidance versus “illegal” tax evasion and fudging wherever they can.
ChocoChange is for them!
Economics always comes down to dealing with money. Gold is money, silver is money, the old Government-issued silver certificates were money because they could be redeemed for actual silver. Now we have Federal Reserve notes and digital money for buying and selling and rolls of Krugerrands or one-ounce American gold eagle coins to squirrel away in the “secret” compartments of our reproduction antique roll-top desks to create a “store of value.”
American libertarians of all times and types, from classical liberals to “gold bugs” to survivalists have hated the Federal Reserve and their “created-out-of-thin-air” Federal Reserve Notes, also known as “fiat money” that is backed only by our absolute blind faith in politicians but otherwise isn’t backed by any tangible value such as gold or silver.
Money is supposed to serve both as an instrument of trade and as a store of value. But FRNs are simply tools of manipulation for the ruling classes to create inflation that destroys savings and distorts free markets to their own benefit.
Changing to ChocoChange
Cocoa, the bean from which chocolate is made, was first discovered by indigenous Central American people. The Mayans called it "the food of the Gods." Between 250 and 900 AD, chocolate was used during sacred rituals due to its divine properties.
And here’s the kicker: It was so precious that they started using cacao beans as a currency!
Yes, money actually grew on trees! Thus the die was cast, the precedent was set, the historical premise was “coined” for modern ChocoChange as a currency. It means making money in your own sweet way!
Fast forward to Now. Chocolate money has been around for a long time in the modern world, created by commercial confectionary companies. It has almost always consisted of a flat, disc-shaped piece of chocolate candy stamped with coin-like images and wrapped in gold and sometimes silver foil.
These coins, under various names and sizes, have been available in many different forms—milk, dark, bittersweet, semisweet, unsweetened and white chocolate—and come wrapped in many different foil colors besides gold and silver, and available in sacks, bags, boxes, and by-the-scoop.
(Black chocolate coins are also available, but buyer beware. Black chocolate is just another name for dark chocolate which is made from cocoa butter instead of milk-based butter used to make milk chocolate. Most black chocolate coins, however, are just low-quality vegetable oil chocolate coins wrapped in black foil. By definition black chocolate coins can only be obtained on the black market.)
Unfortunately, few people other than children have ever realized the true value of candy coins – for trade, for store of value, for coin collecting—until libertarians began to search in earnest for non-statist monetary instruments.
The Downside to ChocoChange
Like all types of money, ChocoChange has its advantages and disadvantages so do your homework first before investing.
First, remember that even with the best efforts of the producers of government-minted paper and coinage there has always been counterfeited money. In earlier times people used to bite on any coin they were offered to make sure it was real silver, not wood or flimsy tin.
That is one advantage of a cryptocurrency like BitCoin. It has no physical properties that can be bitten upon and it’s exceedingly difficult to counterfeit, especially with the blockchain acting as its public digital transaction ledger. But biting on ChocoChange, after carefully peeling back the foil, is still a quick and easy way for suspicious folks to check for spurious specie.
But one must be careful when biting ChocoChange. A bitten coin will technically change it into a BitCoin but two bites will just lower its value, turning it into a two-bit coin. That just makes cents.
The good news is that ChocoChange won’t burn a hole in your pocket like some newly-acquired income will frequently do. The problem, however, is that ChocoChange is chocolate after all and if kept too long in your pocket it will certainly become soft money. And that will make you the target of every political operative in your community because politicians just love soft money!
“soft money NOUN A contribution to a political party that is not accounted as going to a particular candidate, thus avoiding various legal limitations.” – Oxford Dictionary
But it could get even worse. If your ChocoChange is kept in your pocket too long you’ll eventually have a liquidity problem. And to complicate things even more if you happen to have a hole in your pocket the result will be trickle-down economics.
And it could get even worse! If you happen to be standing in a bank lobby with a hole in your pocket during your liquidity meltdown that’s causing the trickle-down theory that would most definitely cause a run on the bank.
And that will inevitably mean that you will have no other choice but to launder your money.
Upside to ChocoChange
On the positive side, ChocoChange makes an excellent store of value. You just have to know how to properly store it.
First, always keep your coins securely wrapped in the foil. You certainly don’t want your investment being eating away by gold bugs or any other kinds of bugs for that matter.
Second, and this should be obvious to everyone, if you keep your money stored in your freezer at all times you will always have a hoard of cold hard cash. Unlike other monetary values, it isn’t bad to have your ChocoChange assets frozen.
Third, ChocoChange is absolutely the best store of value for libertarian survivalists and other preppers who plan on retreating into naturally cool redoubts like caves or mountain cabins where their coins can be easily preserved. Stockpiling gold or silver will be pointless if society completely collapses and no one is left to produce anything that a survivor could buy. But as a last resort, unlike hard money or cyber currencies, they can always eat their ChocoChange!
Fourth, certain forms of ChocoChange are very valuable and eagerly sought after by numismatists, aka serious coin collectors. Here’s why:
Before 1964 nearly all US coins were made of 90% Silver. Today most current US clad coins in general circulation consist of an inner core of pure copper sandwiched between two outer layers of a silver-colored nickel-copper alloy.
Few professional coin collectors welcomed these changes.
But it’s a whole different matter with certain rare ChocoChange coins. Numismatists are always looking for ChocoChange sandwich coins comprised of a thin layer of mint candy sandwiched between two outer layers of dark chocolate. They love these mint condition coins.
Other Confection Reflections
Just as currency arbitrage takes place in the world of government-minted money.— in dollars, euros, yen etc. — and in the world of cryptocurrency — in Bitcoin, Litecoin, Ethereum etc.— soon too it should be possible to deal in ChocoChange, CocoaCash, FondueFunds etc. in Choco Exchanges.
You can’t trade in ChocoChange futures yet but you can trade in cocoa futures on the NYSE Euronext (Euronext) and New York Mercantile Exchange (NYMEX). And of course, you can buy shares in chocolate companies, from the cheapest low-quality producers of “chocolate-flavored chocolaty-like substances” to the world’s highest quality culinary chocolatier specialty concerns.
But all of that needs to be left to the professional economists and financial planners. What you do need to know is:
1. Consuming ChocoChange and any cocoa-based asset will not help you lose weight as some fake news scientific studies have claimed;
2. Investing in ChocoChange should be considered a sweet deal.
3. To buy ChocoChange you must contact your Confectionary Coinage Concierge at participating candy stores – if you can find one.
References and Links
- Why Libertarians Reject the Federal Reserve: The Fed creates money out of thin air which dramatically depreciates the dollar, thus robbing the poor of their purchasing power and eroding everyone’s savings.
- When Money Grew on Trees: Cocoa beans, where chocolate comes from, were so valued by the Mayans and Aztecs that they used the beans as money.
- How chocolate – including ChocoChange – has “Ten Survival Uses”: From morale booster to bribery to barter Survival Expert Tim McWelch explains why chocolate should be included in every survivalist’s stash.
- North Korea’s Black Market in Chocolate: No mention of ChocoChange but there is a thriving market for smuggling Choco-Pie across No Man’s Land from South Korea into the Democratic People's Republic of [North] Korea.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
Garry Reed (author) from Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas on March 16, 2018:
WOW!! You actually got someone to cough up some lobbyist money? Amazing!
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on March 15, 2018:
Best laugh I've had in several days. Love your humor. Maybe the Libertarian candidates would get more votes if they established this monetary system. ChocoChange can be dangerous, though. Only one time in my life have I ever administered a Heimlich, and that was to a boss who was choking on a chocolate coin given to him by a lobbyist. No joke.