Timothy is a writer and video content creator. He enjoys helping others learn to improve their lives and shape better futures.
I've read a ton of articles on penny stock investing in the past and while they all varied in terms quality and content, they all had one thing in common.
They all were geared towards helping you make money buying and selling penny stocks.
This struck me as odd. What about the brave men and women who want to buck the system and lose money on penny stocks? Is there no readily available advice for them?
Since I couldn't find any, I decided to share my five easy steps to help you lose all your money playing around with penny stocks with the world.
1. Do Absolutely No Research
There are countless resources online and in print form that can teach you the ins and outs of investing in penny stocks.
You want to avoid these resources at all costs!
Reading up on penny stock investing before you actually start doing it is a surefire way to improve the odds of you actually making money.
That's not our objective here. We are trying to lose money.
So stay away from gurus like Timothy Sikes and Peter Leeds who offer videos, training courses, and blogs about penny stocks..
You might also want to cancel all your social media accounts. I did a quick Youtube search for 'penny stock tips' and more than 179,000 results came back. And I don't even want to know what I'd find on Twitter and Facebook. You can't risk being tempted into learning potentially profitable penny stock trading techniques from these social media outlets. Cancel or deactivate your accounts, forget your passwords, and never look back.
2. Buy Penny Stocks Based On Emotion, Not Data
Don't spend hours poring over candlestick charts, company financial statements, and annual earning reports before you purchase a penny stock.
Instead, buy your stocks based on pure emotion.
Look at a penny stock and if you get a 'good feeling' about it, buy it. It's that simple!
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It's almost a mathematical certainty that the bottom will drop out of the stock within the next few hours and you will lose most of your money. Who needs technical analysis when you have your gut?
If pure emotion doesn't have you losing the desired amount of money in no time, try purchasing penny stocks based on how close the ticker symbols are to your children's middle names.
3. Invest Way More Money Than You Can Afford to Lose
When deciding how much money to throw at penny stocks follow this simply formula: Take all the money you have in savings, add up all the money you will make over the next month, and then multiply by all three of your kids college funds.
This should give you a ballpark figure of how much you can afford to lose on penny stocks before you are broke and have to start selling spare body parts on the Mexican black market to pay the mortgage.
Now take that number and double it.
That is how much money you should risk on penny stocks. Actually scratch that. Take that figure and risk it all on one penny stock. No diversification here. Diversification is for people who want to hold on to some of their money if things don't go 100% according to plan. Brave investors like you and me have no plan and are therefore prepared to lose it all in one fell swoop.
4. Never Sell Your Penny Stocks, No Matter the Price
Don't let all this defeatist talk about selling penny stocks when the price starts to drop suck you in. What fun is that?
Your strategy should be to never sell, ever. If the price plummets, ride it all the way down to $0.00.
If the price skyrockets, hang on to the stock until in plummets again years later.
No matter what happens, hold on to each and every share of every penny stock you ever purchase. Following this strategy almost guarantees that you will achieve your desired losses eventually.
5. Truly Believe You Are Smarter Than Everyone Else
Lots of intelligent men and women before you have tried their hands at penny stock investing. They were all idiots. At least that's the mindset you need to have.
You, through sheer genetic superiority alone, will be better suited to pick and choose the right penny stocks to invest in than anyone who has ever dabbled in the market before you.
And you should feel free to voice this opinion to anyone you know who has way more stock market experience than you. Let them know that you have arrived and you are going to put all of your 75 IQ score to work on penny stocks. The losses you rake in each and every week should be more than enough to convince them that you are a force to be reckoned with, if not followed.
So there you have it folks: five easy techniques that anyone can employ to start losing money on penny stocks today. If you are wondering why I'm just giving away all this great advice for free, it's because I followed these tips long ago and my money's been long gone!
I have already fulfilled my investing dream to lose enough money to last me a lifetime. And now I want to help you achieve the same goal. Follow my advice and I'm sure you will!
And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got the rent to think about. It's a long drive to Mexico, especially when you only have one kidney and your kids Thomas GAHC and Chloe APHD won't stop hollering about their college funds....
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
Abigail Hreha from Oregon on May 13, 2019:
Hahaha! This is awesome! I've always wondered about penny stocks and if they're worth it. Some great advice in here!