How Did I End up Being Poor?
How did this happen?
It all started back in 2012 when my husband decided to walk out on our three and a half year marriage. It left me devastated to say the least. I walked around in a haze of confusion for a couple of weeks trying to figure out how was I going to manage the finances in my home without my husband's income. Reality set in and took a hold of me like never before. But what can I say, life happens to everyone.
The next few months dragged on. I was making phone calls to my mortgage company to work out a more feasible plan so that I could keep my home. But that didn't work. So I called a couple of other social service agencies in my quest for a home loan modification. I did find one finally. Of course, I was finding myself behind in my other bills as well. But I managed to get my feet back on solid ground for awhile.
Somehow, life just began to get overwhelming for me because my daughter was about to graduate from high school and I had to work a lot of overtime just to keep up with her school expenses and other household bills. But, I made it through. There were times when it seemed that there was not enough food in the house for us. I really had to cut my expenses way down just to be able to buy food. I finally made the decision to cut my cable bill. In the beginning that was hard because we had been used to watching our favorite shows, but the sacrifice had to be made.
I'm still working full time on nights and it gets hard. It always feels like there is never enough, like I'm constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. I'm always asking myself, is it ever going to get any better? Right now, I have to believe that things will change for the better. My daughter just asked me, "Mom, have you considered going to a food pantry?" I couldn't give her an answer without wanting to cry. But my pride keeps getting in the way. How is it that I work a full time job and still not be able to take care of my family? It's only myself, my daughter who is in college, and my adult son. He works part time. I don't believe that I'm the only one going through this similar situation. There are probably thousands, if not millions of people who are struggling just to survive. With the cost of living constantly going up, even on basic needs, it is no wonder that people are having to choose between putting food on the table or to buy medication to keep themselves healthy.
I did think about working a second job. But my doctor advised me not to do so because it would adversely affect my health. So I started to search the internet for work at home opportunities. I tell you, there is so much out there that you really don't know what is real and what is not real. I'm being very cautious about those online job opportunities.
Do you know what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from? That is a question I ask myself on a daily basis. I find myself constantly wondering if things will improve. I guess it all comes down to my life choices. No one can improve my situation but me. I'm not about to give up. I will continue to work my full time job for as long as I am able to. And I will continue to look online for available opportunities.
I do believe that life will get better for me. I just really need to dig my heels into the pavement and do what needs to be done to stay ahead of the game. I might be down, but I'm not out.